I feel pretty.

There wasn't much pain, no big show, but the tubers are gone. I think there is a bit of shock. The removal doesn't coincide with good health, nor with anything really. They were there and now they are not.

But I actually feel a bit prettier. And more confident. I feel like I am on the right track, closer to well. Like I've taken that next step forward - whether that's true or not.

But I also feel kind of scared because I have no excuse anymore. I can be fairly hard on myself, the tubes gave me an excuse to chill out. If I didn't have the energy to do that, to fix that, to try, then I wouldn't. But now, with the tubes gone I can feel my mind flipping back... you aren't really that sick, if you just push yourself (like they all expect) then you can do it.

The tubes were like a little safety blanket from the world and from myself. I might miss them...