Fragile days

I had a fragile day today... went to more doctors who told me that I could get better if I eat things I don't want to, take more medications and live within the tight bounds of healthy. I was again reminded that I don't have an immune system. I was again talked to like I've never been sick before. Again, I cried in the parking lot.

They look at me like I'm crazy when I don't fully buy into their regimen. The nurse asked me if I had any hope for recovery. I just laughed and shook my head. Please, they've been telling me either I'm not sick or they can fix me for 3 years... I'm not better. I had that one shining week of miraculous wellness but here I am - sifting around for enough energy to drive the 30minutes to my doctors appointment.

I'm supposed to be going to Europe for a week. tomorrow. How did I become the girl scared to push the limits? Scared to try? Scared to change? scared at all, in fact.