And at the same time

Even as I wrote that last post... here's what was really going through my head:

My digestive track is a nightmare, I am developing food allergies. My white blood cell count is low again. My sleep pattern is screwed up (not that it ever really recovered). I will spent a grand total of 22 hours in the doctors this week coming up. And I keep dreaming about swimming.

Also, my world is narrowing. I have to stay within in parameters - if I sleep well, take my meds, exercise when I can, sauna regularly and eat all the right foods, then maybe I can get healthy. That is a frustrating box to stay in. I can't push it, eat ice cream or stay up to watch the ball drop... but if I just don't do the things I want, then partial health can be mine!

Blow me.