the update from Outward Bound...

Lymes has changed me. Changed my personality. I used to be able to push through regardless of consequence: keep swimming, be sick in school, play polo, live in NYC - but I can't do that anymore. I can't make that decision. It's changed my confidence, my belief in me - destroyed my outgoingness and self love.

Why am I so sad? Am I sad that it isn't going to work out? But if I think it, then it's true.

This is where I want to be. What I want to be doing. I desperately want to believe in me, in this. But my symptoms are getting worse. Am I reaching too far? Why doesn't the nauseousness and fatigue get any easier?