White Blood Cell Count

is a bit low. I'll get another draw this week and hope it doesn't continue to drop. High WBC's (from a CBC test) indicate cancerish stuff, low WBCs indicate viral infections. After reading up on lymenet, it doesn't seem to be a big deal. So maybe I'll try to not worry.

I realize I have a new vocabulary, new set of abbreviations and medications to choose from. I also have more things to worry about - like WBCs. I've already had a possible-cancerlike-growth-on-the-thryroid-scare, I don't want to go through it again... but then again, sometimes I wish I had a sexy self-explainable disease like cancer. Lymes is too complicated.

Selfish

Being sick makes you selfish. I feel incredibly, incredibly selfish. I think about myself, how I am being precieved, what I need, how I feel and how you should be reacting to me. It's so hard to get outside of that. I can't seem to stop demanding things from my family and friends. It's christmas and I don't want to take the time to shop for my family and I don't care. Isn't that crazy? It makes me kind of sick to think about - I am so self-absorbed. I can barely remember what my friends are doing yet I demand that they remember my med cycles...

I can't decide if that is okay, because I am tired and I can't give anyone else what they need, or totally unreasonable because they are probably in pain too. My sickness shouldn't be an excuse.

Can you tell that I am so selfish? Does it bother you or do you just write it off to illness? I feel guilty about it but then in the same breath entitled. gross.

don't judge a man...

I hope you respect other people's pain, even if you never hear about it.

Pain, of all types, is often too hard to describe because it's complicated and because misunderstanding can be devastating. Extend some grace, just because you don't know the story and don't see the tears, doesn't mean you can ignore the pain.